I’ve been in turmoil about my care. I have been doing a little research about some of the other protocols that are used with my cancer and I want some other opinions, but I can’t seem to find any doctors around here that practice these other options. I called an MD Anderson affiliated cancer clinic in Houston, TX. to see what protocol they use and it is quite different from the one my doctors are using with me. I want more details and more statistics but it is a nightmare to try and get information. I had to actually get copies of my medical records sent to various places, just to get information! What a hassle. My primary care physician had to send referrals to them so the insurance company would let me consider some different options. I am getting insecure because there are so many different opinions about how to treat this disease. How do I know what’s right?

I am still eating carefully, taking my enzymes and nutrients, exercising everyday, sauna, massage, acupuncture, physical therapy, meditation, and so on…Oh yes, and chemo…What a life!

I am trying to decide whether to have a mastectomy and then radiation or radiation and no mastectomy, or radiation and then a mastectomy. Everyone has a difference of opinion about what is needed. I would of course like to avoid the mastectomy, but my doctors here think it is absolutely necessary and the docs at the MD Anderson clinic disagree. AHHHHH! I can’t get a medical degree and there is just so much to know.

My dear friend, Susan, is a doctor who knows a wonderful doc at the Huntsman Cancer Clinic. She has managed to get me a consultation with this new doc. I am insecure about my treatment and I thought if I saw someone new who was impartial they might give me a real opinion. I also thought a doctor at Huntsman – which is one of the best clinics in the nation, may be more informed than the clinic I am presently working with. As it turns out the new doc is willing to see me but I don’t think it will be in time for me to make some important decisions.

I decided I can’t worry about this any more. I decided I would give up getting a mini-medical degree and focus on recognizing the doctors and practitioners I could trust. I am really trying to get centered on who to trust.

I trust my surgeon, Erika. She is amazing and I know she is truthful and hopeful. She ordered an MRI and really thinks we should go forward with the surgery. I saw the radiologist and she thinks we should move forward in this way also and follow up with radiation therapy. I guess this is what I will do. My problem is I am rather convinced my body has been doing an amazing job at healing. My skin looks and feels completely normal - it is unbelievable. Even the doctors admit this is quite unusual and a good sign but they tell me this cancer never goes away and has to be treated aggressively. Cutting off my breast; radiating me, and injecting toxic chemicals into me for another eight months sound aggressive…and a horrifying thought.