Breast Cancer Entry Twenty

My blood counts are up this weekend so we celebrate the Fourth with our children and grandchildren. It’s a dream come true – all the little children are well at the same time! My girls make side dishes and my husband (BBQ chef extraordinaire) makes the corn on the cob and BBQs organic chicken breasts and Kosher hot dogs…everyone is on board with my new eating habits and brings boring stuff I can eat. The dads have gone to the local fireworks stand and have brought home the Monster Pack and enough sparklers to see from outer space.

After dinner my daughter lays a giant red and white blanket out on the lawn by the driveway and the kids pile on. It’s hilarious; you’d think the blanket was a lifeboat on the ocean and to step off it means going overboard. They fight for space until the mommies get them all settled into their own spots – and the fun begins.

The dads let the children come onto the driveway one at a time and pick the firework they want – then they run back to the safety of their lifeboat blanket and the dads light them up. My daughter’s 18 month old daughter is hysterical at the first one. I am delighted because she runs to me for safety and comfort. After a minute she gets used to it and starts to enjoy the pretty sparkling lights.

At one point, I am sitting in a lawn chair flanked by my daughter on one side and my oldest son on the other. I have the world’s most adorable little one and a half year old on my lap. My husband is next to my daughter with his arm around her chair and my other son and my daughter’s husband are busy attending to the fireworks (they are the “pyros” of the family). My kids and I are arm-in-arm and completely enjoying the little children and the moment.

Anyway, the moment just grabbed me. Could there be anything more wonderful than this?! It is pure bliss for me.

So while one of the fireworks is spouting I say to my adult children:
“You know; if I had a million days just like this, it wouldn’t be enough…Lets make this one be enough.” They knew what I meant. They are all aware that mom’s life is in danger, but I don’t want them thinking like that or worrying about it. I want us to enjoy every minute fully and really let go of the negative possibilities. Today was completely enough for me. It was perfect in every way.

We ended the day with a family prayer – lots to be thankful for and bless the mom and grandma with health and healing. It’s lovely.

Monday morning I will show up at the chemo lab for another treatment and I will be thinking about this perfect day and not about statistics or poisoning or the inevitable side effects. I’ll be thinking about my family and friends and all the reasons I have to fight this disease. I have already had one miracle….why not hope for some more?
© 2007 Julia Andrus

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