Breast Cancer Entry Ten

I don’t know what’s come over me, but I feel such a calm resolve. It’s so weird. I hope it lasts…I am amazingly focused and don’t feel afraid. I wonder if I am still in shock.

Actually, I think I feel the spiritual benevolence all around me. So many people are praying and meditating and wishing the best for me. If the “Laws of Attraction” are true then I am attracting some mighty powerful attention. The words of my father’s blessing keep ringing in my ears. I can’t believe God would deny my good kind father, who has never done a thing wrong in his life, the wish of his heart and extend the life of his girl. I know it doesn’t work like that, and good people experience pain and loss, but I also believe in the generosity of the Universe. I feel somewhat unworthy of all this attention, but it just keeps flooding in and I can feel it. It’s like the numbness of everyday life has been peeled away and I am seeing things much more fully and richly. I just want to bask in this feeling. Sometimes it’s like waves of love – that’s the best way I can describe it. It humbles me.

My friend Warren calls regularly with priceless little phrases and one-line sermons. He is remarkable and always says the perfect thing. He says I must never loose sight of the fact that I am already perfect and made in the image of God – that I must align with that truth and it will help me heal. He told me a beautiful personal story of a healing in his life and it was quite remarkable.

I never judge other people’s stories of faith and spirituality. I think God moves in mysterious ways and I can tell the difference between good and bad energy when I hear it. Everything good is flowing to me. Every now and then I just close my eyes and focus on this feeling – while I was doing this I had a clear image and could feel myself well and healthy. I actually felt what this would feel like! So now I have a goal; I want the physical body and well being I sensed in that split-second vision. I think this is going to take some work.

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