Breast Cancer Entry Sixteen

I try to pray and study, or meditate every day. On this day, I am having an acupuncture treatment later in the afternoon and I don’t feel very good, so after I exercise, stretch, sauna, and shower I take it easy since I don’t feel like doing much.
But my spirits are quite good even though I feel rotten. I don’t know where the fortitude comes from but I am grateful for it.

I lay down and am too tired to read so I decide to meditate. I close my eyes and go to that lovely healing place I envisioned before, and my grandma comes. She tells me again this cancer is not all mine. Once again I see the generations of my family. I tell them I don’t know what to do or how to help. My grandma opens my hand and puts a pearl into it. My relatives all step forward and begin to shower me with these beautiful, creamy colored pearls. I am lying in a bed of lovely pearls and it makes me giggle, but I still don’t know what it’s all about. My grandma tells me that every pearl represents an experience, a condition, or something else relevant to the cancer in my body and that if I examine them they will tell their story. My darling great-grandpa steps forward and he begins a prayer for me and my entire family prays and I can’t believe how real it feels.
The wolves are nearby and they take me to the water to let the latest chemo treatment wash from me. It feels great. The meditation ends naturally and I try to get back into it and examine one of those little pearls, but nothing comes to me so I stop trying.

In the afternoon I go to my acupuncture appointment with Dr. Zeng. He says I can call him Robert. I want to know his “real” name. He is amazing and we talk a little about cancer and about the things our bodies can do to heal in the right circumstances. He asks how I feel about spiritual things and I tell him I am more than comfortable with the concept and that I pray and meditate every day. He asks if I would mind if he turned on a meditation CD while I rested with the needles in me for a few minutes. I said that would be fine, so he inserted the needles and put a warm lamp on me and left the room while I relaxed and listened to a guided meditation.

A soothing man’s voice guided me to relax deeply and then to look at the stages of my life. He said to look even further and imagine the lives that preceded me. Well, at this point my whole (and might I add “dead”) family shows up again. Then the moderator said something that stuns me. He said to look at my ancestors and see that they held pearls in their hands and that every pearl represented an experience that was relevant to me. I couldn’t believe this. It was the exact message I received earlier in the day. It was overwhelming to me. How could this happen? The last thing the moderator said was that if I ever needed to understand these pearls I only needed to ask and the right guide would show up.

When Dr. Zeng came back I was in tears and I tell him a little about my earlier experience and how this meditation was the same words and lesson. He’s very comfortable with my experience and validates it. Wow….some strange things have happened to me since my diagnosis. I have no explanation for such a coincidence so I think I will just enjoy it. Cool…

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